Hasta MaÑana..

If tomorrow never came, wouldnt that just be perfect? I would be torn in two. One half of me would be so entirely grateful that I neednt worry bout weight ever again. All troubles vanished. That day would be the most memorable, the happiest day ever experienced. The other half in all its angst would point out all goals i had failed to achieve. the bucket list not nearly complete, expecially that most important of them all. Fortunately i am guaranteed a tomorrow. whether it be pounds more than today or pant sizes smaller than yesterday. All i know for sure is that i must live everyday as it were my last. i need to embrace the now for an existing tomorrow. now is everything i hate, all the things i ever wanted out of my grasp. with enough todays i do believe it possible to change what tomorrow could be. hell if i am persistent, if i am strict and disciplined enough, i could change who i am today. today i want to me thin. tomorrow i want to be thin. skinny is not a gift, not for me. skinny doesnt come naturally, or by default from some wonderful genes passed down from ancestors. one thing skinny is not, is an illusion. it is a reality. it is a lifestyle. it is what i will become.

failure i can overcome, i feel it in my bones. i just need to drive myself harder than ever before. no quitting. no giving in this time. i have veered from the path recently, as i often do. but no more. not if i want tomorrow to be beautiful. mistakes exist for me to learn from, and to try my hardest to never repeat.

if i can do this, i know damn well you can too. i am the largest person on the blogosphere right now. even so, i look up to y'all. i have everything to lose. but, you all, atleast compared to me, have nothing to lose. you have already gained what is unfathomable for me. look at it like that, and achieve your goal today, or tomorrow ;} just as long we dont go back on our word.
♥
MaDZaQ

FML now, It'll get better later

i promise.



so, i went through a mini breakdown, i suppose if you could call it that. im sorry for all you witness. i need to catch up on some blogs and such, i have been reading, just not commenting. i just feel like life has been real tough lately. i feel as though it may get better real soon though.

today i had half a cup of tomatoe puree mixed together with water. also, a sandwich, crackers, and ramen. but everything but the tomatoe, i purged. so does it count?

ive dropped two lbs supposedly, but idk my body has been acting weird. it seems i lose two lbs a day and gain it back the next. a non-stop cycle just to fuck with my head..

tomorrow im supposed to 'have' lunch with my long lost forgotten father.. we'll see how that goes. ima try my hardest to not eat. i think he's catching on tho.

around 7pm i have a bday party im supposed to partake in, 1950's based, but the sad part is there were no fat mexicans in the 1950's it seems like. i cant make any costume look half way decent with my current weight.

god i needa drop this burden. sorry again for this rant of rediculous poor me mumbo jumbo. trust me, nobody dislikes an attention whore more than i. so to make up for it, i thought id post some thinspo. to get my head outta the poor me thing, and back in the game.










this last one is my personal fave, and will be my phones walpaper after tomorrow. god i would kill for his body

think thin kids. i hope your not as down in the dumps as i, and if so, remember: we can get there eventually, we cannot give up because this is a life style and if we do not commit, we will never reach our goal. we have the power to do it. believe in yourselves, i believe in all of you.
mad zaq